Open Window

Light in the Dark (and a little bit of camera whining)

Luke in the Morning

I am shamelessly recycling this photograph. Because I love it. Because it is perfect for this prompt. Because I'm pathetically pregnant at the moment. And because I'm having a photo/camera crisis so taking new photos is painful right now.

Our house is dark. Shaded by huge, old trees. The light comes in at odd angles and wierd times of day. But, every morning - apart from the grey ones - it streams through the window onto my bed. And right around the same time, this bundle of opinionated, cuddly, seriously awesome boy comes in. To snuggle. Or tell me it's "time to go downstairs!" or explain that he is driving into the Mariana trench with his lego truck.

I love both of these wake-up rituals. Although one is definitely more peaceful than the other.

***

Can I also just talk about my camera crisis? I used to have a real camera. It used film. It was a really good SLR. I had lenses. I took some good photos. Then everything moved to digital. I kept the body but gave the lenses to my sister-in-law who was studying photography. My husband bought a "semi-manual" camera that adjusts all the settings you try to set and drives me insane. But I used it. Then I got an iphone and for a good long time, that is the only thing I have used. It's held up pretty well. I have about 2/3 years of pretty decent iphone photos. Some of which I'm actually proud of.

But then last October Kate let me borrow a camera of hers to take photos for a few days while we were in North Carolina. She was a kind and generous teacher as well as a kind and generous friend and after a few days I remembered why I love taking photographs. And now...well...now I'm still mildly obsessed. A real big-girl camera. I remembered what it was like to be able to play with light and depth. To take the photos I WANTED to take. Not just snap what was there and hope for the best.

I will say that 3 years of mostly iphone-otography has given me some pretty decent shot-framing skills (because that is about the only thing you have control of) but I'm done. I want a real camera. It's going to happen. But with the whole (unpaid) maternity leave thing coming up (remind me why I live here again?) it's going to be a while.

Until then...I'm going to clean the lense on my phone with a q-tip and dream of this little baby and a good fixed 50mm lens.

***

Playing along - Week 6 of Bella's 52 Photos project

Pink

(baby sewing)

Pink. I'm not really a pink person. Don't think I ever have been. Yellow, blue, green, orange...those are my colors.

Finding out that we are having a girl has been oddly difficult. Everyone says how "hard" girls are. I'm one of three girls and I would say I have to agree. Then there are basic logistics: I already have so much BOY stuff. And know about potty training boys. Boys can share a room. I really, really like little boys. They are awesome.

Also, boys don't wear pink.

I said when I found out: NO PINK. Orange? Green? Yellow? Blue? Sure. No Pink.

But then I started making things for this little girl. Simple stuff. Because I believe every baby should have a few handmade things that belong just to them. A few swaddling blankets. A little comforter. A small hanging to go on the wall abover her crib. And I found myself leaning towards...pink. Intermixed with all sorts of other colors....but the overall the effect? Definitely "girl".

And you know what? I don't hate it. I'm surprised, but looking at the stack of little things I've made for her, I feel happy. So I have to learn my lesson yet again. The lesson that tells me the place to be is never on one end or the other. It's somewhere balanced in the middle.

Pink isn't so bad if it comes with green. And after two little boys, I'm guessing a girl is going to balance out our family in ways none of us can yet forsee.

***

 Playing along - Week 5 of Bella's 52 Photos project

Movement

where my feet used to be....

 

There is movement all around me but this...THIS belly is the center of everything related to me and movement right now.

I have 6 more weeks (give or take) of feeling like a beached whale. My own personal movement is awkward and slow. And sometimes painful. In very stark constrast to the constant movement of my 3 and 5 year old boys  climbing and spinning, jumping and running around and past me.

But there is also all the other movement. Inside. She is a serious wiggler this one. My whole belly moves  - you can see it. It often looks like I might have a jumping bean inside. It feels like that constantly.

There is the movement of my body preparing. My hips loosening.

There is the movement of my brain. Constantly preparing. Considering. Planning. Working to think of what needs to happen both before and after the appearance of this little one.

There is the movement of my heart and consciousness gradually coming to the reality of having a new baby in my arms soon. Making room for this third child. The fifth member of our family. The first daughter and only little sister.

***

 Playing along - Week 4 of Bella's 52 Photos project